My Mother - what she said to me
it has been a long time since I have writenin this journal. Laziness seems to get the best of me.speaking of that, i am too lazy to write in 日本語so 英語で頑張って読んでください.so taday, i talked to my mom....you know everytime I call her, she always says:"when are you coming 'home'"it drives me nuts. dude Japan is my home.And I have told her that several times.MeYouKey incouraged me to actually tell her to stopusing those words like 'home' and 'staying in Japan'so I will the next time we talked.I just figured that she would stop if I told herthat this is my home. but i guess not.As MeYouKey will point out, i am a mammas boy.I am the youngest of four kids(3girls and me), and she considers me like a "special son." ....lets not forget that she replaced me as the baby a long time ago with her new son when I was 13. (she remairied when I was 10 and had a baby with him).so lets get to it.here is the conversation - in shortmom: "if you are never coming home, I just want you to say it." xsi: "if i did, would you be able to accept it?"mom: "well I would feel like i didn't have another son"(this is what killed me)can you beleive it? she is basing me being apart of herfamily and her life by how close i am to her.so should i start saying that I don't have a mother?of course not.well to sum things up, i was hurt, but sadly it issomething that I am used to. i grew up with the whole emotional manipulation thing.but i am not ok with it anymore.Mom, if you ever read this, i want you to know, thatyou replaced me a long time ago, so why do you haveto worry if I am gone or not?maybe that is just the hurt little boy inside of me, or maybe its the man coming out? i have no idea.I just want to be a good man, with or without her in my life.I am so greatful for my MeYouKey.Honey, thank you so much for suporting me and helping me.I value your advise so much.I love you.well that was this morning in a nutshell. I might add more later. I just wanted to get it out.later.xsismxps- everyone who comes to my site, thank you too!