詩人たちの島

What the Doctor said ( Raymond Carver)


He said it doesn’t look good
he said it looks bad in fact real bad
he said I counted thirty-two of them on one lung before
I quit counting them
I said I’m glad I wouldn’t want to know
about any more being there than that
he said are you a religious man do you kneel down
in forest groves and let yourself ask for help
when you come to a waterfall
mist blowing against your face and arms
do you stop and ask for understanding at those moments
I said not yet but I intend to start today
he said I’m real sorry he said
I wish I had some other kind of news to give you
I said Amen and he said something else
I didn’t catch and not knowing what else to do
and not wanting him to have to repeat it
and me to have to fully digest it
I just looked at him
for a minute and he looked back it was then
I jumped up and shook hands with this man who’d just given me
something no one else on earth had ever given me
I may even have thanked him habit being so strong

よくないね
ずっと悪い、実際ひどいよ
肺の32個の癌腫を数えたところで数えるのをやめた、と彼は言う
ありがとう、それ以上そいつがそこにあるなんて知りたくないからね、と僕は言う
あなたは森の中で跪いて助けを求めるような宗教的な人間？
滝に到達する、飛瀑の滴があなたの顔や腕を吹き上げる
そういうとき、あなたは立ち止まって、それらの意味することを考えてみようとする人間ですか？
いや、まだと僕は答える、でも今日からそんなふうに始めるつもりです
本当に悪かった、と彼は言う
あなたに何か違うニュースを知らせることができたらいいのにと彼は言う
僕はアーメンと言った、彼は全く別のことを言った
僕は聞き取ることができなかった、他に何をしたらいいかも分からない
彼に繰り返して欲しくもない
僕自身も充分にそのことを理解する必要もないと思った（―あるいは全く反対の意味かも知れない―水島註　　　　そしてぼくはそのことを充分に飲み込まなければならない、「死」のことを言っているのかもしれない、andという接続詞の役目がよくわからない、つまり、前のnot wantingがここも生きていると考えて、最初のように訳したのだが、そうじゃなくて、この括弧の中の訳のほうがいいのだろうか。）
ぼくはただ彼を見た
少しの間、彼も僕を見返した、ちょうどそのときだった
僕は急に立ち上がった、そして彼と握手を交わした、地球上の誰もが
与えることのできない何かをぼくに与えたこの男と
I may even have thanked him habit being so strong（この最後の一行がわかりません、だれか教えてください）。


1)
Dear Mr. Mizushima:

I have never studied literature, and I am not familiar with Raymond Carver or his work. So, my response to you is based solely on my naive impression upon reading the poem.

First, you ask how to translate the last line, "I may even have thanked him habit being so strong. " I think you can translate it easily if there is a punctuation mark. "I may even have thanked him, habit being so strong." Out of life-long habit (of thanking doctors at the end of consultation), he may have even thanked the doctor albeit unconsciously. So, I would not say that the patient in the poem was grateful for the doctor who had just delivered him a death sentence. Rather, he is dazed and confused, and his habit of being polite takes over. He may feel some sympathy for the doctor though, for having to tell such dreadful news.

The poem left me feeling sad because even at the life’s gravest moment, we cannot help being comical. The interview between the doctor and patient is disjointed, to say the least. Instead of "your cancer has spread throughout your lungs and now is inoperable," the doctor says "I counted thirty-two of them on one lung before I quit counting." The patient responds "I am glad I wouldn’t want to know about any more being there ..." The doctor asks the patient’s religious or spiritual inclination (probably because he cannot offer any comfort himself). The patient answers "not yet but I intend to start today." The doctor says "I’m really sorry, I wish I had some other kind of news to give you." The patient replies "Amen."The doctor’s desperate efforts to be sympathetic and to offer some comfort to the patient, the patient’s struggle to understand the gravity of the news, and the embarrassment the patient feels for the doctor almost as if he felt he had caused the doctor this distress sum up to a sadly comical picture. Living an ordinary man’s life is both comedy and tragedy. Apparently, so is dying an ordinary man’s death.

I am at work and am supposed to be reviewing a merger agreement. So, I cannot write a more thoughtful reply to the questions you posed (or wordsmith what I wrote).

It is snowing. I love spring snow, quiet spring grayness.

Mashiho

2)
Dear Mr. Mizushima:

I must confess that I did not carefully read your translation this morning when I wrote my first message. I don’t agree with your translation of Lines 18 and 22.

You translation of Line 18 basically says that the patient thought it was unnecessary for him "to fully digest it." I think Line 18 actually says that he didn’t want to have to fully digest it. Lines 17-18, if fully spelled out, should read "ｎot wanting him to have to repeat it and not wanting me to have to fully digest it ... " He doesn’t want the doctor to repeat that he is dying, and he does not want to" have to" understand that he is dying. He has confused understanding that he is dying. But he refuses to fully understand this fact if he can help it. Thus, he stared at the doctor instead. I think, at the very basic level, these lines are saying that.

I also think your translation of Line 22 is slightly inaccurate. "Something no one else on earth 'had ever given' me is not "something no one else on earth 'can ever give' me." This was obviously the first "death sentence" he had ever been given. Maybe, I am being picky . . . . Training in science and law tends to make one "picky."

I wish I could have written this message in Japanese. But I don’t have an access to Japanese word-processing at work.

Mashiho

3)
One more thought . . . . "I jumped up and shook hands with this man ..." It is an act of consciously terminating this awkward and embarrassing silence. (American people generally feel uneasy when conversation ends and silence ensues; they cannot look at each other in silence for more than a few seconds even in an ordinary situation. But this is not ordinary silence; it is silence pregnant with sympathy, pity, pain, confusion, dread). It is not a definite act, on the patient’s part, designed to refuse to accept his own imminent death. It is an act, nonetheless, of quitting the company of a man who had just delivered the worst possible news, perhaps of trying to be alone to understand or choose not to understand this "something "no one else on earth had ever given him.

I know poems have multiple layers, and my comments only touch on the outer-most layer. Colors and shades, tones and pitch of poems are, I think, largely beyond me. I hope I have been helpful. Perhaps, I should not have made these comments.

Mashiho

　　以上の3つの教示が湯浅さんから届いた。すばらしい読解である(もちろん正確で）。このコメントを参考にして、この詩を再度訳しなおしてみたい。そしてこの湯浅さんのコメントも訳してみたい。今日は、４月6日にニューヨークのたぶん職場から出してくれたこの見事なコメントをとりあえず転載しておくにとどめる。ありがとう、ましほ！